I want to write here because I feel as if I am overflowing, yet I am confused and have not formulated my thoughts.  I am worried that this will not make sense.

I'm disappointed in someone's behavior, as they did not return my loving gesture and it hurt.  I feel rejected.  The truth is that this is not the first time and that I have often felt this way in interactions with this person I am realizing.  I wonder how often I am going to subject myself to this or how often I am meant to.  Is healing possible in this scenario?

I've invited the Holy Spirit to heal and correct where I thinking in error.  I have done this before, yet I still encounter this pain when I encounter this person.  I wonder what I am missing?  What am I not  'seeing'?

I've been searching for a while now, since we received her diagnosis. 

First I wanted relief from the pain, then to find meaning in the suffering, then justice.  I still have moments when I want those, but mostly now, four years later, I just want peace.   I want peace for my daughter, so that she can live her final days without pain, still able to be a little girl as much as possible, still able to feel joy at times.  I want peace for my family, who has to watch this child that we treasure beyond words decline and die before our eyes.  And i want to find a way to help to make that possible, as we are all blinded by the pain of this.

And despite the fact that I am her mother and feel, I believe, an extra sharpness to the pain because of that, it has fallen on me to be the Spiritual leader in this.  I, the one who carried and nursed this baby, am the one who is looked upon to be the strong one.  i am the one who is expected to lead everyone 'across the Red Sea' that I've somehow parted despite the weight of my own grief.

All I really want to do right now, is lay beside my daughter in the bed where she spends her days and watch angels speak to her as she sleeps.